Just when I thought I would have nothing entertaining to write about, this comes along. Let's get something out of the way right off the bat. I originally had no interest whatsoever in seeing Beowulf. I'm just sick of the whole over the top CG action fests that have been all of the rage the last few years. But after reading this, after hearing someone call a movie "quite probably the most heinous culprit for stealing childhood from children ever made," it becomes a necessity that I go see it.
While the film's been earning decent reviews overall (70% on Rotten Tomatoes as of this writing), it really took a nut case like this to get me into a theater. I know he's evaluating the film on "Christian principles," but can it really be THAT heathenistic? I've read the poem and it wasn't any worse than the majority of what you'd read in the sci-fi/fantasy genres nowadays. So without seeing the film yet, I've decided to prematurely label this guy as a fucking moron, using the following points to back me up:
"It might even be equivalent to NC-17 but I cannor tell you that since we have not and will not analyze any NC-17 (or X) films"... I decided to keep the typo in there, but WOW, Hollywood must be getting real lax these days, allowing an NC-17 film to slip by as PG-13! Not to mention he's comparing it to films that he hasn't even seen, so he has no frame of reference. NICE. Angelina must have slept with a few of the test screeners to pull this one off. My guess is that Jesus is crying over this.
"I will not argue the nudity in this film. That the filmmakers used what looked like metallic plating over portions of the nude witch does not excuse the nudity."... damn those filmmakers for covering up the naughty bits with metallic painting! Dear reviewer, have you ever seen a naked person before? The last time I checked, if it's covered up, be it with metal cgi effects, or, say, clothing, it ain't nudity. But that just might be my inner evil, secular East coast liberal coming out again.
"I have read lots of poems but never have I seen nudity in a poem."...I think I just LOL'd.
At this point he goes into a study on how teens can't separate fiction from reality and this is going to make them all vote for Hilary or some shit. At this point I gave up. I scrolled down a bit and saw him starting to quote Bible passages, as if that would save him from the horrors he has just seen. In the end he gave the film a final rating of 7/100. Which was 5 points lower than Natural Born Killers. Just saying.
Oh, and what's with all these hardcore faith based sites looking like they were designed by a high school kid back in 1990? Does god not bestow the gift of decent design upon his most devout?
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