I can haz prezidency?

Even though the victory may be fleeting, there is something warming about Obama’s smackdown of Clinton in the South Carolina primary over the weekend. I know I’m not the only one violently ill over her smear tactics and downright dirty politics (I heard he’s black!) and it was refreshing to see the residents of SC respond to her BS in the best way possible. Let the pundits talk all they want about how this was a win due, in large part, to the significant black population in South Carolina. Don’t buy it. What you see here is, for the first time this primary season, a decisive victory on the Deomocratic side. And this has got Hilary scared shitless. Or at least it should. While she was able to claim victory in New Hampshire and Nevada, they were hollow victories in that she actually came out behind in the number of delegates. And Obama’s victory in Iowa was just as meaningless, it was for all intents and purposes a tie. So now going into Super Tuesday, Obama is carrying the first real momentum of the races this year. Will it be enough to stop the Clinton machine? I can only hope, because if she gets the nom, I’ll have a tough choice to make in November, between a cardboard box and Reagan reincarnated in zombie form, because, let’s face it, that would be pretty damn awesome.

Humor is a funny thing

For all the funny bone lacking individuals out there, let's get this out of the way right away: quoting lines from movies, comedians, etc. does not make you funny. In fact it often has the opposite effect of which you originally intended, it shows us that you're really not that funny of a person. Humor is a funny thing, you either have it or you don't. Those who don't tend to fall back on the safest way to get a chuckle out f people, quoting pop culture in attempt to sound witty. You're not. In fact, guy at party who thinks he should have been cast in Super Troopers, all you've managed to do is show us that the person who originally wrote the line had a great sense of humor, and that you've just destroyed it. Thanks a lot.

Don't get me wrong, we are all guilty of the movie quote (myself included), but most of us know when a simple ice breaker crosses over into "this is all I've got going for me" territory. And honestly, if that's the case, if the only way you can get someone to laugh is by providing a unique interpretation of the "you know how I know you're gay skit" from the 40 Year Old Virgin (and probably ganked from the deleted scenes anyway), I doubt that they're going to stick around long enough to find out that you're actually a pretty cool guy (really, just stick around, you'll see!). So what's a humor lacking individual to do? How do you compete with people who are just flat out funnier and more personable than you are? Well, there are a few things you can do:

-Accept it and talk about sports or something. Because aside from your witty recitations of Dane Cook bits, the last thing we want to hear is your in depth analysis of why Peyton Manning is really overrated.

-Do something stupid like walk around with no pants on, or better yet, break something. At least that way people won't refer to you as "the unfunny movie guy." You will now be remembered as "The guy who ran around outside in below freezing weather without any pants on," Which is much better, trust me.

-Start arguing about politics, even if you know nothing about them. At least it's entertaining listening to someone complain about all the illegal Mexicans coming in from Canada and the WMDs that are over in Iraq.

-Get drunk. I mean at this point, why not, right?

-Kick the ass out of everyone who thinks you aren't funny, because let's face it, going by stereotypes, you probably could.

Comeback? Clinton, plz.

So let me get this straight. The Democratic candidate, who was all but handed the nomination by the media all of a few months ago, after losing one primary became the underdog? And then, after winning last night in New Hampshire, Hilary Clinton has made a comeback? From what, her stubbing her toe in Iowa? I'm sorry, but everyone trying to spin this as her making a comback drank as much (if not more) kool-aid than the people who thinks she actually advocates change. After 3 + decades in public service you become part of the status quo. Need proof? Just look who was standing behind her i her Iowa concession speech, looked a lot like her husband's old drinking pals.

All this said, it's way too early to crown a winner on either side. Clinton and Obama and going to fight it out through "I'm sick of this shit already Tuesday" and the Republican race is pretty wide open with about 3 or 4 viable candidates at this point. But while it's too early to predict the eventual winners, it isn't too early to say who deosn't have a shot in hell and to spout off about how nuts they all really are. So without further ado, I give you the 2008 presidential hopefuls.

Edwards - This was my guy, but he's got no chance of winning any primary. Even though he's still pulling decent numbers for a third place candidate, I don't see him lasting until February 5th. Well I actually think he should pull out before then because I have a feeling most of his backers will gravitate towards Obama instead of Clinton. But I also still beleive in Santa, so what does that tell you?

Clinton - Presidents don't cry in public, even if it's a fake photo op cry. Besides, she's in the "The media is to blame for your shitty parenting" camp so I'd vote for a cardboard box over her.

Obama - No sense in hiding it, he's my boy now. People say he has no experience. I say it's not like he reads at a fourth grade level here. They say he's all talk and no concrete positions. I say, have you never heard a politician speak before (or tried to pick someone up at a bar)? They also say he's black, but I tihnk that's just a nasty rumor.

Huckabee - The guy's a total nutjob. Agreed, he talks reals nice, but he also thinks baby Jeebus was born underneath the shine of the moon and T-Rex shadow.

McCain - I woudn't get the "Oh shit, we're headed back to the dark ages" feeling if he gets the nom (like I would with Huckabee), but this guy lost it somewhere between still suporting Bush on the war and that stupid "Mac is Back" slogan. Now I'm hungry for McDonald's, thanks a lot.

Guiliani - Yes, he cleaned up the sretts of my fair city, but in doing so he also got rid of all the skeevy porn shops outside of Times Square. And he made it impossible for anyone making under 60k a year (like firemen and police officers) to llive here somewhat comfortably. Oops.

Romney - He looks and sounds like a used car salesman. 'Nuff said.

Paul - He actually makes sense economically, but he doesn't actually fit into the Republican party. While I see this as a good thing, they somehow don't like that. Who would've thought?

Thompson - He's old and has a trophy wife. Living proof that if you have a TV career you can score any ass you want, no matter how you look. In other words, he's the American dream.